Monday, 2 April 2012

Makes me mad when it just says Dad

As week 22 draws near, my role has started to become more important. I'm there to help C out of chairs that once provided comfort, now seem to clutch at her as she tries to rise. I'm there to read bump stories and sing silly songs and feel the kicks that follow these moments. I'm there at the shops to hold the many new outfits C has to add to her wardrobe, since Button is adding a few inches each week it seems. I'm there to read C the next instalments from the baby apps, making sure she's following it's advice when it's important.

But when I read all those apps, or books, or watch most pregnancy programmes. I'm not there.

It's 2012, gay parents have been around since before I was born. So you'd think there would at least be some form of literature or media that acknowledges me without making me feel like the "special" addition to the relationship.

I don't want to buy a "Gay" parenting app. I don't want to read a book with a rainbow cover and two scantily dressed women draped over each other, one with a bump the other with her well groomed flowing locks and arms cradling the other. Neither ever having known what it's like to be in a gay relationship.

I know a lot of people reading this may think, well it's not as common as straight people having babies. So they can't alter it all right? Wrong. It's not difficult. Times need to change.

What frustrates me is how a lot of the paragraphs aimed at "dads" revolve around sex or making sure you tell your wife/partner, she's not getting fat. There never seems to be a mention of the emotional side of things, making sure you're both on the same page and supporting each other. I'm sure these kind of books exist, but far too many concentrate on making sure the male ego is stroked.

Now I'd be ignorant if I thought the world is just going to change because we've decided to start a family. But I would have thought there have been plenty of people walk this path before us to start shifting things in the right direction.

One of the gifts C and I received at our wedding was a Mr &Mrs photo frame. We will never know if this was meant as a dig or a misfired joke. But it found it's way to the local charity shop. If we receive any I love my Daddy baby clothes I'll make sure they find a new home.

Now don't get me wrong, dads are great. I love mine to bits. But let's acknowledge those mums who don't get much of the spotlight.

K :)

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At 02/04/2012, 11:26 , Blogger S And L said...

We have often thought this too. I'll be the non bump mummy in our relationship too, and everything baby related - books etc, we've seen mentions dad. Likewise with our current wedding, we see it as a wedding, not a gay wedding, we want to feel catered for, but not as something that's separate from normal couples and families.
S xx

At 03/04/2012, 01:24 , Blogger Mondays with Mac said...

It's hard to find literature that relates to our situation. But the wonderful world of blogs helps some!

When we got married we received a photo album that was monogrammed with the names Herb and Beverley (neither of our names) and had space for groom's family, groom's education, groom's military record!?... people can be dumb!

At 08/04/2012, 15:47 , Blogger MytwoMums said...

It's very tricky. We went to lots of wedding shows and it was all mr and mrs. Now it's all mum n dad. We are going to carve our own path :)

At 08/04/2012, 15:48 , Blogger MytwoMums said...

Indeed, blogs are great help.

That's a very random wedding gift lol. People can be odd. :)

At 10/04/2012, 10:42 , Blogger 2aussiemammas said...

Saw your twitter shout out for more views on this so I thought I would put in my two cents :)
We are in limbo, not fathers but not the child bearers. We don't yet have a place in every day society. We have books dedicated to us, written by women like us (brilliantly described too! hehe) but we are 'Separate'... 'Different'...
I sometimes feel that not having a biological connection to my child, or a certificate declaring that I am married to my wife, makes it difficult for society to see me for what I am; a wife and a mother... I try to just focus on what I am in my home, my family, my circle of friends.
I also find it helpful to think of the amazing women that have come before us who had no books, no blogs, no lesbian mums groups... I stop and think of them, and how they must have struggled. I think of them and I feel so grateful. Because of these women we live in a world where we get to happily spend evenings snuggling with our pregnant lady-loves, dreaming of our futures together as mothers...
Just think...
Because of US, women like you and I. Women who are not afraid to love our wives , create new roles, and rewrite societies rules on what a family 'should' be. Because of US, non tummy mummy's of the future will have it even better :) We are pioneers, we are trail blazers, and we are going to rock this mum gig!

At 11/04/2012, 20:15 , Blogger MytwoMums said...

Thank you for sharing your view, so great to hear from another mum in my situation.

I have to agree with what you say about us being trail blazers, it's the reason we started this blog. I wanted to share our experience so that other potential mum's can have the courage to fufill their parenting dreams.

If I can help anyone with this blog then I would be so happy.

K :)

At 21/06/2012, 18:23 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there,

I stumbled across your blog this evening whilst trying to find more information for my wife and I on parenting options etc. One of my biggest concerns is for my wife as the non-bump mummy, and trying involve her and support her in this change in our relationship and life. Although we're a way off from the "trying" stage, I have found this blog, particularly this post, to be so helpful. Finally somewhere that is "normal"!

Just wanted to say thanks!


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